I went to the Municipal Office, birth and death registration office. I needed to get my father’s death certificate.
The man who is supposed to issue the death certificates was standing outside. I said, “Sir, I need the death certificate of father”. “Is it registered? Have you used the certificate before?”. “Yes sir.” “Do you have a copy of it?” “No, sir”. “Ok. But it will be difficult to search. Come in”.
That was a narrow passage leading to a room. The passage had three tables! He asked, “How many years ago did he die?”
“Recently, sir.7th January 2008”
“Well. Hey Mr.B, take that register for January 2007.”
“Sir, 2008.”
“Oh. Mr.B, not 2007. take that Jan 2008. ”
Now let us call the first man as Mr. A.
B: Madam, what’s the date?
Me: 7th January. Name is V.T.Hegde.
Mr. B searches for about 20minutes.
B: How many months is the baby?
[What the heck?? Baby?? He is checking birth records. Damn!! He searches 20 minutes in a wrong record file! ]
Me: Sir, I am asking for death certificate of my father.
B: Oh. Well.
[He opens the death record file and starts searching. Mean while there comes a man, lets call him X, Muslim I guess as he was talking in Hindi. The officials were replying in Kannada. It was an amusing case.]
X: Birth certificate chahiye sir. Naam *****. (I need a birth certificate. Name is *****)
A: Yaavaga huttidu? (When was the child born)
X: Dus tarik ko. (tenth)
A: TingaLu? (month? )
X: Che barasko char mahina kum. (Four months less for six years.)
[What the heck? Doesn’t even know the date of birth of the child and comes to get the birth certificate of the child that too born some six years ago. This was the expression of Mr.A]
A: allari. Dinakka noorau makkaLu huTTutve. Ond tingalige eshT dappa file aagatte. neevu aar varshad hindindu date gottilde certificate kodi andre ellinda huDkona?
(What is this sir? Hundreds of children take birth every day. One month’s record itself is a huge file. You are asking the certificate of a child born six years ago without knowing the date of birth? How should we search? )
X: dus tarik sir. Che barasko char mahina kum.
[ WTF? Says the same thing again? This was the look from people around.]
[There comes another man, say Y. He came to register a birth.]
Y: Sir, please register the birth.
A: Name, sir?
Y: xxxxxx.
A: Not your's sir. The child’s.
Y: Don’t know sir.
A: Er..?
Y: There are four five names sir. We have not yet confirmed.
A: Ok. Film actors hesarigenu baragalve? (Is there famine for film actor’s name?)
[ He was pissed by these kind of cases]
A: Don’t keep old names I say. Don’t keep those Huchhappa, Ramappa, Bhimappa. Keep some modern name. Btw is the child yours?
Y: No sir. My sister’s child. That’s why there is delay. If it was mine I would have decided.
A: Okay. Tell your sister and brother-in-law to decide soon. Tell me the details now.
Y: Sir, write Adrushta (meaning: luck.).
A: Leave the child’s name. Tell other details.
[That continued. There were many more people waiting. There was a old lady waiting to get her son’s death certificate. I could see here wet eyes.]
B: I found the details. Give an application and pay Rs.25. Come at four in the evening.
Me: Ok, sir.
There was list of births and deaths per year ,I guess.
Birth: 2500 to 3500
Death: 200 to 400.
Oh my god!! The figures clearly depicted the increase in birth rate and decrease in death rate. What’s going to happen to this country?
